Jane St. James (selain) wrote,
Jane St. James
selain

The Ones I Love, Part Three: 2013

And then I met someone. And then I lost someone.

Les called him Cello Guy, which stuck. We met on the set of an indie film. I worked costume detail while interning with the makeup artist. He won me with a smile.

Writing in bulk like this, I realize I am easily won. I can't say how I feel about that. Easy? Dumb? ALIVE???

Alive (dumb).

I didn't know anyone on the set at the time I arrived, and he came right up to greet me with that pie-man smile. The first night of the shoot, we warmed ourselves in the pickup on set and he dazzled me with words. We locked eyes in a way I've never been eye-locked before. Without knowing the appropriate length to stay locked, shyness took over and I broke my hypnotic gaze. Such nice eyes, though. Endlessly deep.

Turning 36 in a few months, and once again, I'm feeling like a teenager.

When the shoot ended, work had him traveling to Thailand, much to my jealousy. Bangkok is breathtaking at night. Three months later, upon his return, I did the thing.

I asked him on a date. I wanted to get to know the charming and sweet guy I met. And coming back from Asia, I knew he had great stories to tell. I asked him to Second Cup. He agreed. And he also invited some other friends. Just coffee. Social beverage- emphasis on Social, so I can't scrutinize this situation so unfairly. He probably didn't know I meant it as a date. But it turned out to be one anyway. His friends couldn't make it, and he and I talked for hours. His tales of adventure blew me away tenfold, but amidst the chaos of emotions, I couldn't sense chemistry between us. I tried to hint things, like leaning on him while he shared photos on his phone and such. I know the old adage of spelling things out for guys, but I'm not ready to get my pen and paper.

At the core, we're very similar. I don't mean in an Amino Acids sort of way, but in personal tastes, hobbies, interests. But on the surface, surface being most seen, we're from different worlds. I can't go into the details. It exhausts me to think so superficially. But that's where it counts, sadly.

I won't end my pursuit there, however. I haven't so far. That's how far I've gone off the deep end.

On occasion, I've asked him on more dates, and will always do so until our friendship falters for good.

Les, who has not only thrown himself headfirst into the Friend Zone by his own volition, with no complaints from me, decided New Year's Eve would be a good time to rear his Green Monster's head. No idea where this came from. I asked him what he wanted to do for the holiday, and he said he didn't want to make plans. I said if he didn't want to decide, I was going to ask Cello. Somehow putting his decision before Cello's meant in Les's head that I made him Plan B. No idea what transpired, because Les was never jealous before, due to us not having any romantic connection whatsoever, and Les was in the middle of playing head games, which I don't play.

He said some really hurtful words, and before I knew it, our friendship reeled into the abyss.
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