Jane St. James (selain) wrote,
Jane St. James


Angel calls me a demon, and rightfully so. I've always called myself a demon, too, even before we met. I am an atheist, but if I had to believe in something, I would believe my mother tore the soul from my body in childhood, and for that, I must always be the villain, just as Lucifer must always be the villain, and bear the weight of our own personal Hell.

So rightfully so, Angel calls me a demon, but that doesn't mean we are enemies. Angels and demons can work together and be friends and may even love one another.

Angel doesn't touch anyone ever, so this relationship is something new, but I also feel myself growing from this. I've always been a hugger, a toucher, a very personable person. It's only ever gotten me into trouble a few times, with those who never told me they don't like to touch (and so I get the worst mixed signals of affection mixed with a sense of disgust of me). Angel said right away NO TOUCHING.

But we do sometimes, and I think sometimes he doesn't mind. His OCD has him rush to the washroom to clean his hands at least twice if someone touches his hand. He has "cleansing" ticks if he can't do that, or doesn't want to right away. He uses his cleansing ticks to clean off the very thought of touch, too. Some things make him spit, some things make him shake off the 'filth,' some things make him run to a sink. And he calls every bath a baptism, which for him is accurate.

I only feel bad sometimes, when it looks like he could really use a hand of comfort, or a hug, or some fingers through the hair when his head hurts or he needs to relax. Or when I do. But those things that would relax others wouldn't relax him. Hair-play is the most enjoyable act of platonic intimacy I can imagine. He knows this, and gave me a love-lock when he got his hair cut. I put it in a large locket with a pigeon feather he plucked off the ground. I wear my Angel Hair when I feel lonely.

But we still have really romantic dates.
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